I examine my conscience and find nothing very disturbing. I imagine my death and subsequent judgment and feel rather confident that it will go well. I have certainly committed many sins over the years, but I have repented of them and even done some penance for them. I have at least a few good deeds to my name. I trust in the mercy of God and His infinite goodness. Things are pretty well with my soul, my conscience is clear, and I can sleep peacefully at night.
But what manner of thinking is this? It certainly resembles the prayer of the Pharisee more than the Publican.
In truth, I am a sinner. I deserve nothing but the deepest fires of hell and for all eternity because of my many countless sins. I have offended an infinitely good God who has been infinitely merciful to me. I have spurned His grace, rejected His help, and refused His love. I stood with His enemies and mocked Him as He hung on the Cross and died for my sins. I forgot about Him, neglected Him, and even held Him in contempt at times. I am but dust and ashes and yet had the audacity to insult my Creator by my sins. I do not need the world, the flesh, or the devil to tempt me to sin – I am so corrupted that all I can do is sin when left to my own devices. If I have ever not sinned, the cause was purely the preventative grace of God. He is all-good, I am nothing but sin and evil and weakness. I am wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. I am a sinner, and I need a Savior.
God can only be merciful to those who need mercy, and there are none who need it more than myself. Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!
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